FIVE TYPES OF ANNOYING FRIENDS WE ALL HAVE

1. I am happy and you should know it

We should all spread smiles and make the world a happy place. But, some people misunderstand the word spread and make it an agenda to be overly enthusiastic. They laugh the loudest, which is nice but expressing your sheer delight at the end of every sentence will not make you as lovable as you pretend to be. There was an episode in the TV show Friends with Alec Baldwin in it. If you have seen it then you have a fair idea of what I am getting at. So, yeah, if you could just not be that guy, that would be great.

 2. The In your face smoker

It’s amazing how people still don’t realize smoking is not cool. If you have to do it, go find a balcony dude. Blowing smoke in my face doesn’t make you a mafia don or a war hero or a sly detective or badass cop or whatever other movie character you’re trying to emulate.

3. Mr. Fake accent

Talking with a fake accent is like ordering a hamburger at a south Indian restaurant. I don’t understand why people feel it’s impressive to talk in a foreign accent when the Indian way of talking is the most clear and accurate form of the english language. They are the same people who get overly creative on the internet. iF yew uPloAd ur $tatu$ liKe diZ then don’t be surprised when you see the number next to friends tab slowly decreasing. What worse is that the fake accent fad is like an epidemic, and it’s not just restricted to english speaking people. Now a days you can find most north Indians talking in Punjabi accent and listening to Punjabi songs. Whatever happened to be yourself?

4. The ‘why’ guy

There is always a guy with all the questions. Then there’s the why guy. He wants to know the purpose of everything in life. They aren’t the ones looking for an answer. They are the ones looking for your tipping point. Just like the monsters in Monsters Inc. (the movie), they feed off your screaming and abuses when you have finally lost it. Check out this video more clarification:

5. I’ll pay u back tomorrow

At some point in our lives, we’ve all been there. And I think it’s not our fault. I believe there is a program in our brain which senses the words ‘I’ll pay you back tomorrow ‘ and almost immediately deletes every record of us being grateful of our friend’s timely financial assistance. Hence, if you have to constantly remind someone to return your money, remember that they are helpless. Freeloading is a completely different issue. Don’t hang out with people just for the free food.It’s mean. Use their internet and wear their shirts as well.

The five stages we go through before finally quitting our job

THE FAKE APPRECIATION

It hasn’t been long since you started on your job. It hasn’t been perfect but you justify it by saying no job is perfect. You trick yourselves into thinking that you are satisfied. ‘Our company has the biggest projects among all its competitors.’  ’Okay the work hours are bad, but the other company doesn’t even give shift allowances. So what if we don’t get our bonus? The other company doesn’t even pay the salaries on time.’ The company doesn’t provide individual transport but you don’t complain because you choose to believe the country should save its fuel. You fill yourself with positivity refusing to heed the deep inner voice which keeps telling you that you’ve made a big mistake.

DISSENT AND DISCOMFORT

This stage usually comes after you’ve had the first disagreement with your boss followed by vigorous finger pointing and yelling. The once ignored discomforts suddenly become omnipresent. The work hours seem so long you wonder about all the things you could have done in your ten hour shift. You wonder if you could have translated the Mahabharata, designed your own factory, written the greatest love story or learned to master forty nine musical instruments. The pay-slip that once gave you satisfaction now looks like some waiters tip at a cheap restaurant. You literally calculate how much money it would cost your employer to allot you a car, compare it with the profit the company makes and pull your hair in disbelief. The work environment seems dirty; you see corruption and death of ethic everywhere. The once inspirational project director now looks like a lousy sycophant.

LETS US STUDY

Now that you’re convinced that nothing’s going to change at your current job, you start considering the upcoming competitive exams. You accept the current academic inflation and acknowledge the fact that in order to lead a good life, a master’s degree is essential. Pagalguy/MadeEasy becomes your homepage. Your project work in MS-Excel now has an extra sheet which contains the infallible study plan. The general statement in this stage is-I’ll go for CAT/GMAT/GRE/Administrative services and then go for a job that is ethical and has reasonable working hours. You swear you’ll never get infected by the ‘good package’ or ‘reputed company’ virus.

THE IDEA STAGE 

The results of the all the nationwide exams are out and all you get is an SMS invite from twenty fifth best private college in north-western India. You realize that your mission impossible was, in fact, impossible. The epiphany occurs. A misfortunate piece of paper in front of you gets ripped by your confident hardworking hands as you say –‘Screw it, I’ll start my own company’. Ideas start flowing in your head. ‘I’ll start a tea serving company in which pretty girls will serve tea in passenger trains and I’ll call Hot chai chicks.’ ‘I’ll start a website that lets you customize your under wear and I’ll be billionaire.’ Once again nothing seems impossible and you look for like- minded people to work on your billion dollar idea.

THE SUFFOCATING FRUSTRATION

Either the ideas have failed miserably or you have realized that unconventional underwears won’t make a million dollars. Nothing seems right anymore. You try to recall the face of the person you saw that morning when you took the decision to take this job. You count your past sins and conclude that karma doesn’t exist and if it does, it’s a bitch. You yell at anyone without thinking. If the temperature of your tea is two degrees less than what you want it to be, the kitchen manager gets it. The security guard wishes you good morning and you shout at him asking him to tell you twenty reasons as to what exactly makes the morning good. You’re not suicidal, you are homicidal. You google all the good lawyers you will need when you slit your boss’s throat by accident. You also google the jail time, just in case.

Fortunately in our country people do succeed after stage 3 and sometimes stage 4. But even if you have reached stage five don’t give in just yet. Believe in yourself. Find something you love doing and just do it. It is only when you have lost everything, you are completely free. Remember what the old guy said in The Dark Knight Rises. Climb without the rope.